Why Wandering Voiceless, one of the many parts.
My spirituality stems from my fear of death. That’s it. That’s all there is. The fear of unconsciousness and nothingness. For eons. Forever.
I was raised in a chaotic household lacking any faith. So I have no foundation on which to base a belief in the hereafter. Nor do I have a foundation against which to rebel.
Thus, I search. For faith. For belief. For certainty.
As a child, I would walk myself to the corner church for Easter service. Never mind that I had no idea what religion that church proselytized. Never mind that I was about 7 or 8 years old yet understood my parents were of no help in this regard. To the church I went. But no one spoke to me. No one took me under their wing to teach me. I was on my own.
As a young adult I dabbled in the Wiccan faith. Nature based. Seasonal. Logical. Pre-Christian. Really pre- any organized religion. Much of what I do believe stems from that dabbling. If I were to practice any religion, that would probably be my first choice still.
From that dabbling, I have a beautiful set of Tarot cards that I use from time to time, and wish to use more often. I believe they help jump-start my intuition and thus set me on the right path. So, from time to time I will post my Tarot readings as I process what they show me.
Organized religion for me is not the answer, mostly because I have no faith in the humans professing to know exactly how I should think, or what I should believe. Why is their interpretation of scripture, the one and only and right interpretation? Why should I believe them (the priests and pastors), just because thousands of others have chosen to do so? God whispered in their ear? Good for them. So far, he/she’s been pretty quiet to me.
Do I believe in God? Sure, why not. But I also believe that if God exists, s/he didn’t lay out one road and one road only to the heavenly door. If God gave humans free will, then surely s/he understood that some would choose to follow one path, and some would choose another. And I refuse to believe that just because I don’t believe means that I’m barred from heaven, or whatever afterlife there may be.
I married into the Catholic faith. My poor mother-in-law. I understood we couldn’t be married “in the Church.” I understood that meant her son’s marriage wouldn’t be recognized by his Church. I understand these things still. I just don’t believe they mean that Prince Charming can’t get into heaven either because he fell in love with a faithless girl. My biggest problem with the Catholic Church? The concept of original sin. The belief that all babies are born into original sin and cannot get into heaven until they absolve (wash) themselves of this sin. Nope, sorry. Not buying it. Babies are born with beautiful souls, pristine and perfect.
Nevertheless, out of respect for Prince Charming and his family, I baptized my children in the Catholic Church and promised to raise them in that faith. Did we go to church every Sunday? No. (Of course, by the time I met Prince Charming he wasn’t going to church every Sunday either.) But they have each been baptized and received their first communion. (In fact, Brandi will soon be studying for her confirmation so that she can be married in the Church.) I felt strongly that my children should at least have a faith to rebel against when they got to that age, rather than the nothingness that I was raised with. However, I also taught them to have open minds and be accepting of other faiths and religions.
My current “work around” — that’s what we call solutions for problems that we have with our computer aided-dispatch system at work (aka CAD) — is that death is much like sleeping… only for longer periods of time and we don’t remember the life before. So, yes, I believe in reincarnation. I believe we are here to learn the lessons we failed to learn in a past life. I also believe we are here to teach others when we can, and spread joy and love when we can’t. Otherwise, life — the process of being born with a consciousness — just doesn’t make all that much sense to me.
Thus, I take comfort in psychics such as John Edward who profess to hear from the other side and pass messages along to loved ones left behind. That makes sense to me. I believe.
I also believe our thoughts have energy, and I believe our souls are also energy, and I believe strongly in the Law of Attraction. This if anything is what I practice now. That what I think creates that which is my world. If I have negative thoughts, I will travel around in a negative energy, creating negative situations everywhere I go. If I maintain positive thoughts — I am grateful for my good fortune — I create a positive universe in which to live happily ever after.
I’m sure I’ll explore many of these concepts more, and get deeper into them, but for now this feels like a good start. What do you believe?
- Does it matter if you “believe” in tarot? (intuitiveblogging.wordpress.com)